Two years ago today, we had to say goodbye to Isabel. I don’t talk about this day too much but it feels wrong to let the day slide by without honoring it in its own terrible beauty. Bill had gone home the night before to be with Talia but I stayed overnight in a room…
Tag: childloss
grace and sorrow
As many of you know two years ago on June 20 at 5:37 in the morning, Izzy left us. We got her to the hospital and the heroic team put her on life-support, but the reality everyone faced was that she was already gone. Whatever flicker of life they found to put her on life-support…
This is grief
Feeling tired all the time. Eating more for comfort. Nothing holding much interest. Bouts of generalized anxiety and that feeling that “something is missing.” What’s missing is normalcy. The way life was. A desire to return to a time in which we simply didn’t feel this way. This is what grief is, and it’s what…
what remains
Ashes set into the sea in an orange salt urn glowing blue on the way down Instead of a child frolicking in the surf. Do you see, friend? Whatever I ask of you will never be as great as what was taken from me. During our recent trip to Kauai, I had one of those…
Personal Best: 2019 in review
A few months ago, I participated in an online grief symposium. “Why have you not mentioned this before?” you might ask. Mostly because I wasn’t 100% confident in my interview. I cried a lot. I rambled. I tried to stick the issues at hand but there is SO much to say when you lose a…
Take your days…
Before Izzy left, I’d heard the phrase, “Throw yourself into your work.” Of course, I had, but it was in books and movies where the mom was a mess and the dad “threw himself into his work.” But I didn’t know that experience of flinging oneself into a project in order to keep your mind…
behind the smiles
Behind the smiles, the emojis the exclamation points on Facebook; behind the ‘normal’ chit-chat and “I’m fines”; behind the texts and business and noise of life, you can hear it. If you sit with me in the quiet, and listen, you will hear it too. A high, keening wail. If you cut me open, you…
How to Survive a Broken Heart
her heart brokeso she left her bodyshe left her body and my heart brokei invite her to live in mineto fill in the cracks,with her loveso that we both find a way to live on
Eight months
It’s been eight months since I’ve heard Isabel speak. Eight months since I’ve touched her hair, or given her a hug and a kiss. Eight months since I messed with her cute little ears in the mirror while she stands at the sink, brushing her teeth. Eight months since I’ve heard her laugh, or cry,…
Not the beginning, but a beginning…
My profile in the bio of this blog states that our eldest daughter “passed away in her sleep” due to cardiac arrest. This is true but not the whole story of what happened that morning. While it is true that we feel (most “we” here refers to my husband and Izzy’s father) that Isabel left…
I Have Two Daughters 