behind the smiles

Behind the smiles, the emojis 
the exclamation points on Facebook;
behind the 'normal' chit-chat and "I'm fines";
behind the texts and business and noise of life,
you can hear it.
If you sit with me in the quiet,
and listen,
you will hear it too.
A high, keening wail.

If you cut me open, you see the source.
Another me--the mother
her mommy, her Best Buddy,
on my knees,
screaming into forever.
And that is what it means to be
reaved, robbed, reft
something ripped away

If I stop and listen,
I hear it too
i can laugh and love
and feel the vast gratitude
for life
i am still here
but so is that pain
an engine of missing her
its spokes and wheels screeching
into perpetuity

some days it is louder than others
so loud
it comes racing up
past my broken heart
and I must change its course to tears
so I don't scare
the neighbors

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Beware Of The Reader says:

    Scare them if you must, if that’s what YOU need to feel better, even for an instant. Love you and I feel so powerless …

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Annette Chivers says:

    I hear it. I hear you. No laughter can cover it up. No ‘I am fine’ distract from it. Believe me, I hear it all the time ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pam Douglass says:

    I have no words except that I’m sending all my love and hugs. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. B says:

    U can both charm and scare I’ve discovered in a state of grief unrestrained

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Madonna Blackburn says:

    Along life’s path, without her, you must.
    And in your strength, believe you must.
    But while you’ll grieve and falter some,
    You’ll still remain your daughter’s Mum.
    Never question what you must do,
    To quiet those thoughts just to make it through.
    Love and hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lisa McGuire says:

    Those we love don’t go away.
    They walk beside us, every day,
    Unseen, unheard,
    But always near,
    Still loved,
    Still missed,
    And very dear.


    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sheila Cross says:

    I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your daughter ,you may not be able to see or touch her but , she will be forever in your heart


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